


It's a House It Used to Be

by evergreen_melancholy



Series: Minus [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, M/M, Regret, ghost!harry, insecure!Eggsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:45:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4280745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evergreen_melancholy/pseuds/evergreen_melancholy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Eggsy, are you sure you've been getting enough sleep lately?" Roxy asks, concern flowing over her features. </p><p>"'M fine," Eggsy lies. She sure as hell knows that something is wrong, but he can't bring himself to tell her about them--his nightmares--and how they rip him apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a House It Used to Be

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the [angsty Hartwin headcanon](http://evergreen-melancholy.tumblr.com/post/123248038746/ghost-harry) I made the other day. 
> 
> Angst coming up, sorry. :( It'll get better though, I promise!

"Eggsy, are you sure you've been getting enough sleep lately?" Roxy asks, concern flowing over her features.

"'M fine," Eggsy lies. She sure as hell knows that something is wrong, but he can't bring himself to tell her about them—his nightmares—and how they rip him apart.

"You know you can tell me anything," Roxy says, and Eggsy nods. He knows he can confide with her with his darkest secrets—but this time, he's not so sure. Things are just barely getting back on track, and Eggsy—he could be better, but he doesn't want to burden anyone. For now, all he needs and wants is a deep, comforting sleep, where he is not bothered by nightmares; by blood and suffering. He should tell her, though. Roxy would give him all of her support. Roxy would give him a shake to reality. Roxy would help him get through his guilt.

 He should tell her, but all he can say right now is—

 "I'll let you know, Rox."

*

That night, Eggsy tosses and turns and falls into a light, dizzy sleep. He dreams of happier times—Daisy's laugh, sparring with Roxy, JB, Harry—

And the dream stutters, taking a dark twist.

Harry is standing in front of him, looking perfectly alive and glowing with life, and Eggsy shuts a sob down in his throat and takes a step towards him. The Harry in his dream is every bit like the Harry he knew, and the fact that he gets to see him only in his unconsciousness rips Eggsy's heart out of his chest. He reaches for dreamworld Harry, holds a hand out, and wishes that this was real, wishes that Harry was alive, wishes that Harry wasn't—

A bullet comes out of nowhere and hits Harry right through his glasses, and all of a sudden, Eggsy is once again living the death of his mentor, his, dare he say it—most important person, his...everything. Blood flows from Harry's eyes, oozing and gushing, overflowing like a river. The blood pools around Harry's feet and stains his hands red, and Eggsy cannot do anything but stare in horror at the sight in front of him. Harry's gaze meets his, and he brings his hands up, as if to surrender, as if to offer his life for the blood he had shed. Behind him, Valentine suddenly appears, gun held loosely, pointed once again at Harry.

 _"Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him?"_ Harry asks, face stoic, voice pained. Behind him, Valentine laughs.

 _"Kingsman only condones the risking of a life to save another,"_ Harry continues, taking a step forward, bloody footsteps making a soft squish that makes Eggsy's stomach lurch.

"So," Harry starts, and he is right in front of Eggsy, who cannot do anything, who cannot even blink, cry, vomit or defend himself, because he is—

 _"Guilty."_ Harry finishes, a disgusted look drawing across his features. "Guilty of so much bloodshed. Guilty of ignorance. Guilty of _everything_."

"You didn't save me when you could've," Harry whispers, and Eggsy lets out a strangled cry as Valentine shoots Harry once again. Harry's blood is splattered across darkness and Eggsy's skin, on Valentine, and everything goes black as the scene changes to a hospital room, where Harry is sleeping, peacefully, no wounds and no blood. Eggsy reaches out to touch the smooth skin before him, and a hand sharply smacks his away.

"You don't deserve him," dream-Merlin says. "You don't care about him."

"You don't even care about _us_ ," dream-Roxy says. "You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"That's a lie," Eggsy stammers, and it's so pitiful. "It's a lie!"

"It is the truth," they both say. "You only want things for yourself."

"I don't need anything else!" Eggsy all but screams."All I need is—"

"Eggsy," comes Harry's voice. He rises from the bed, bloody and rotten and horrifying.

_"We'll settle this when I get back."_

And Eggsy wakes up with bile in his throat and tears down his cheeks and the feeling that he's failed everybody.

*

"I don't get why you don't sleep in that house," Roxy says nonchalantly. "I mean, it's yours now, isn't it? Make use of it."

"I can't jus' go in there like nothin', Rox!" Eggsy cries. "'is stuff's still in there! It smells like 'im, reminds me of 'im, and I just—"

"Eggsy, I'm pretty sure that Harry would want you to use his house. He would be proud of you after everything you've done. Besides, if you do continue to leave the house abandoned, don't you think that Harry would be upset?"

 _"I can't,"_ Eggsy says, exasperated. "I'll die in there 'cos everything reminds me of 'im!"

"Maybe you do need some reminders," Roxy says gently. "Discover Harry's life through his house, Eggsy. Find his past, find his future, find all of him. Maybe it'll put you at ease. His presence lives through that house, and think about it—leaving his house empty like that would make him upset. I mean, what if he thinks that you've forgotten about him?"

Eggsy is quiet at that. It's not like he has a choice—he takes whatever sleep he gets, wherever he can get it, and it's starting to get to him. He can't always take advantage of Jamal's couch, or an empty hospital bed all the time, and he sure as hell isn't helping his wallet with random nights at a nearby hotel, either.

"Try it for one night," Roxy says, patting his shoulder. "What harm can it do?"

*

The door opens and the first thing Eggsy feels is a coziness that wraps around his belly. He hasn't stepped foot in this house since—well, the incident—and it still bugs him that he is now Galahad. It still bugs him that he now has all of Harry's possessions. He doesn't want them. He would trade anything and everything in the world just to get Harry back.

"Nice in here, 'innit?" He asks JB, who answers him with a soft snort. He sets JB on the floor, and watches him scurry away. The house is eerily quiet and depressing, and for a minute Eggsy feels guilt in not staying in it. It was Harry's—the least he could have done was tidy it up once in a while, but he was selfish, and avoided it to avoid hurting himself.

"Good evenin'," he says as he passes Mr. Pickles, and slowly takes the stairs to reach Harry's bedroom. When he steps in, he feels an air of loneliness. The bed is made, blankets perfectly tucked in, pillows clean and soft. Eggsy looks around him, and suddenly feels the urge to cry.

"'M sorry it took so long for me to come in," he whispers. Maybe he's talking to Harry—maybe to himself—but Eggsy feels that an apology is definitely in order.

"I jus' didn't want to ruin your things," Eggsy exhales, and takes a seat on the bed. It's not too soft. Comfortable, adaptable, almost like Harry himself. He puts his head into his hands, and sighs. He sits there for a while, not sure how long, and gets up only when he hears the pitter-patters of JB's paws in the doorway. He gathers up the pug, and hugs him close.

"Time for a shower, yeah?" He asks the dog.

*

Twenty minutes later, Eggsy emerges from the washroom, fully refreshed and smelling like Harry's array of expensive-looking bath salts. He wipes his face, and stares into the mirror. For the first time, he notices the bags under his eyes. They're heavy and dark, showing the sleep-deprived state that he has been in. He sighs again, and reaches for the light switch, but instead spies the red robe that Harry wears—wore—and his heart stutters. He reaches out and feels the material, a sad smile coming on to his face.

"You always looked so...what's the word—royal? Graceful? Elegant? —in this," Eggsy says; to no one, to the silence of the house, to Harry. He slips the robe on, and tries not to think about how it smells like Harry—warm, comforting, and oh so unobtainable.

JB's bark startles him out of his reverie, and Eggsy picks him up. He returns to Harry's bedroom, and stands in front of the bed. It's awkward and weird, because Eggsy's always pictured himself on Harry's bed in a different way. He's imagined snuggling up to Harry under the covers, spooning with Harry on Friday nights, sleeping in with Harry on lazy mornings...other things as well, more sexual, passionate things that would never happen because Harry is—

Harry _isn't_ —

Eggsy let's a sob escape him, and with a strangled cry, falls on the bed. His fists beat the mattress, asking silent questions and accusing more than one deity for his heartbreak. JB yelps and jumps on the bed, letting out a sharp bark. It quiets Eggsy down, but it doesn't stop his pain. He settles into the blankets, all of which smell like Harry, and falls asleep to the sound of JB's snores. That night, Eggsy sleeps soundly for the first time in a long time.

He dreams of flying in the bluest skies, and of Harry, who shines like the golden sun as he greets Eggsy.

"My dear boy," he says softly. "You don't have to suffer anymore."

**Author's Note:**

> This series will probably consist of 3, maybe 4 stories involving ghost!Harry. Harry isn't causing the nightmares, by the way. The nightmares are caused by Eggsy's guilt/insecurity, but it'll get better for Eggsy. Poor bby. :(
> 
> You can come launch prompts/art requests or just vent with me at my [tumblr](http://evergreen-melancholy.tumblr.com).


End file.
